We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
