so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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