i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize