I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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