I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
