The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
