It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
