you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
