O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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