Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
