Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
