Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize