i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
