dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
