Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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