his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
