Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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