my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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