Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
