running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
