I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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