So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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