Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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