Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
