Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
