If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
