i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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