I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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