Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
