i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
