Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
