i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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