my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
