party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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