She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
