I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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