glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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