Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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