if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
