a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
