Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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