did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
