What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
