it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize