dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
