a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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