There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
