she woke up with a sticky ear
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
