At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize