It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
