Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
