Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
