At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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