also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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