Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
