There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
