i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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