Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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