i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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