My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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