i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
