i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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