My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize