Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
