would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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