I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize