Sry I called you an 8
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize