I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize