Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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