..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize