It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
