I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
