hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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