I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
