when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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