okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no. you can't hotbox the world.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
