how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
