Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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