just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
