There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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