Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
