last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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