So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Say something about gay babies.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize