i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
